[He looks down, for just a moment. It's too hard to look at that smile, face those words, because-
It's meant for him... It's meant for someone else? Akira can't be sure.
But he knows it would be hard for him to hear, no matter what else was happening. Even when Sojiro says things like that... it makes so many feelings squirm through his chest.
How can he accept that, from someone he doesn't even know? It's like looking directly at the sun. It burns his skin, sears directly down to his soul.]
I...
["This place," when he has so many other things to deal with - but that's the point. They have to figure this out, together. He hasn't looked up, but the things scattered on the ground-]
These are your yours?
[It's poised like a question, but Akira is already kneeling down and gathering them into his arms. Books, perhaps journals, which aren't wholly unexpected... but phones? He picks them up anyway; it's not his business to pry.]
I have things I want to know, and you must have things you'd like to know, too. [For a moment, his hands are still. Processing. Just a bit unsteady, because he doesn't really know how to gather himself when Morgana is gone. And then he's in motion again, tapping the books together against his knees til they're straightened out before he holds them out to be taken.] If we're going to understand together, we can't do that by being alone.
[He can't trust, because there's only a few people he can do that with right now. Not yet, at least, even in spite of everything.
But he won't turn his back on the person that needs him.]
[ Maruki takes the journals gratefully, then the two phones – one an ancient brick Akira's not likely to have seen much of in his young life, the other a model not much older than the smart phones they're used to. He'll have to get one for Akira too– or would that be strange...
Ah, it doesn't matter. Everything gets thrown into the satchel he swings over his shoulder – the very same as the one Akira's found himself with, though the contract and potion are long gone. ]
Thank you.
[ As they begin to make their way through the garden, Maruki keeps their pace to a casual amble. Things have been relatively safe lately, which actually doesn't engender much in the way of calm for him; he is alert every step of the way, on the watch for anything that could swiftly go wrong. Whatever power Akira does have back in their true reality, he doesn't know the full extent of, but Maruki does know he's without it now. He won't let him be hurt. The idea alone sinks deep fangs into his heart, cold dread replaced by a fierce need to protect.
What a strange turn of events, being the one someone can rely on. Even if they don't know it yet. ]
This place is called Somnius. Its true nature is unknown. I've been operating under the assumption that it's some sort of cognitive world, but we haven't yet been able to find a way to break free. [ We, the population at large. We, he and Akechi. He'll get there. ] To put to rest an understandable concern up front, it's been proven several times over by those who have left and returned that your reality, as you know it, won't go on without you. You don't have to worry about friends or family knowing you're missing, or anything important left undone...
[ He pauses, mouth twisting, then glances over at Akira. ]
Please, ask anything that pops into your head. I know how surreal it is. I've been here for half a year.
[Christ. Where to even begin with any of that. What to even ask first.]
Somnius...
[Akira starts there, at least, spelling out the unfamiliar word. That Maruki knows about cognitive worlds is alarming in itself - what exactly happened between them-? - but it does take a burden off. There's a chance he doesn't have to explain that, or at least explain much of it, because he's dealing with someone on equal footing.
In spite of everything, it's a strange comfort when there isn't much of that to be found.
His hands itch for his notebook, or a new one entirely, a place to organize his thoughts and list out what he knows, what he still needs to find out. He thinks of all the Monabuses that would be doodled between the margins with a sharp ache, and considers that perhaps it's better to not have it after all.]
You've been here for half a year, but time only passes within... whatever this place is, if I'm understanding that right. [So he addresses what he knows, and jumps into what he doesn't-] When you said that my probation hadn't happened "for you" yet, is that what you meant? It wasn't unprecedented for you, because you knew people could come and go without it having any effect on our reality?
[It requires having to rethink everything that he knows, to accept this as truth. But it's hardly the first time that Akira has ever had to do that.]
[ In a way, focusing on discussing Somnius' particular brand of bullshit is a comfort. That might be how Maruki knows, once and for all, that his mind has broken here. He shouldn't find solace in explaining all of this, shouldn't get a little thrill anticipating questions. It's a truly insufferable professor mode that he could enter, and with the one person he's been dying to be able to talk to about its intricacies all this time.
He keeps it tempered, nods along with the question. ]
That's right. Setting aside other oddities between us, from your perspective, when you left your reality it was– August, I'm assuming?
[ Truly bizarre to consider. At the end of August, he'd spent the whole summer working on his research as much as he could and was simply biding his time until he and Akira could meet again in the halls of Shujin. And this Akira is a whole year out from that time, nonexistent as it is... ]
But from my perspective, when I left it was wintertime.
[ A beat, and one of those questions he's wanted answered for so long jumps onto his tongue. Maruki swallows it back, waits to see if this gets any reaction instead. ]
Christmas Eve, to be exact.
Edited (CLARITY ok bye) 2024-11-08 09:14 (UTC)
girl i just read this and refreshed and i still can't tell what changed, i can't read fr
[For a moment, he stills, eyes going to Maruki's and-
Finding them there, already staring at him. Searching, like he knows something far too much. Like he's seeking an answer.
There's no way, and yet...]
I'd be from eight months later, then, yes. That seems like the way it works. [He swallows past the tightness in his throat, the instinctive need to swallow it down and keep it away, hidden, hidden-] If what I'm about to ask doesn't mean anything to you, it's something you don't need to worry about. But...
[It feels freeing. It feels like the deepest sort of betrayal. It's stepping onto a floor that isn't there, but believing that cognition will make it so.]
On that day... Did you see anything unusual in Tokyo?
[One way or another, this will answer something he wants to know. Not the accumulation of knowledge, though that's just as important.
But he'll know for sure, just how deep "his" trust for this man goes.]
I was visiting my old university, so I was indoors, but when I looked out the window... I saw the sky turn red. [ They're nearly to the edge of the garden, walled off from the rest of the town. Maruki is in no hurry at all. He's only focused on Akira. ] The person I was meeting with couldn't see it, but I could.
[ When he first arrived in Somnius, he never would have guessed for a moment that it had anything to do with Akira. But he's learned enough now to connect those two strings, even if the rest still hang limp and mysterious. He doesn't know what happened, or why, or how. What it meant, what came next. He only knows that it did happen, and Akira knows it did too. ]
[He shuts his eyes and breathes, as steady as he can manage. Tries to think of Morgana's warm weight against his stomach when it's time for bed.
The others he spoke to didn't know what had happened. But he does still know the only people that could see that... were the ones he forged a bond with. Twenty-one strings of fate, neatly tied around his heart and holding him upright as he threw himself against the might of a god.
Akira opens his eyes. Fights against every instinct that fights bitterly within his soul, fights with every ounce of him that was able to take hold of Sophia and Zenkichi's hands and never, ever let go.
Twenty-two.
Twenty-three.
Twenty-four.]
What you saw was the aftereffect of a terrible battle the Phantom Thieves were in the middle of. [Akira's voice has shifted; something stiff lost, yet something else... something that Maruki may find familiar is there. It's not quite trust yet, but-] Most people were unable to see it, but I have some suspicions. When I talked to others later, the only ones who could see the sky change were... people that had a connection to us.
[A beat, and then...]
They were people that had a connection to me.
[His bonds, his true strength, the only thing between him and the enslavement of the world.]
[ A terrible battle, bones jutting out of the ground to tower into a sky soaked in crimson, and an awakening of his very own. All because of his connection to Akira.
Maruki knew. He doesn't know how, but he knew. Some things that live that deep in one's soul can't be explained. He knew.
A hand rubbing gently between Akechi's shoulder blades as he retched onto bloodstained grass–
By the farm pond, his palm against Venat's cheek mirroring her own against his–
Eren's arms wrapped around him in the rubble of Eyn Sof–
And now, here at the edge of the Enchanted Garden, a hand coming up to clasp over Akira's shoulder. A squeeze, brief but firm, as he looks over at his once and future friend with nothing less than utter conviction burning straight through him when he says: ]
I believe you.
[ Maruki's hand drops away. ]
I believe we had that connection in my reality. And I believe that we didn't, in yours.
[ If the conviction burns him too, if he hurts, if he never stops hurting, so be it. There are more important things than his own heart. ]
You made it through that battle in both, didn't you? That's all that matters to me...
It doesn't, not truly. But to Akira... it feels like it does. His heart must be beating, his breaths must be flowing- but he's too stunned to take stock of it all.
His world is narrowed to two things only: the pressure of a hand, and a single phrase.
"I believe you."
"I believe you."
"I believe you."]
You...
[It penetrates straight to his heart, this impossible man that held a bond with him in what must amount to another life. It's not just the affection Maruki has for him... but the words he waited so long for someone to say.
They're the words that his soul screamed and cried out for, railing against the injustice done against him as he was sent away to a place entirely unknown.
They're the words that healed so many of the broken pieces within him, that made him feel like a person again. Ryuji and Ann, Sojiro and Sae.
I believe you.
They are the words he waited for and never received at the most critical juncture, his justice returned with betrayal.
[It's spoken distant, but not lost. He could be talking to Maruki, or himself, or simply no one at all.
There's nothing hurt in it. There's no sadness in it. There is only a sort of wonder.]
I won. We won. And if our realities are really different...
[He doesn't understand it, these impossibilities that go beyond even the fantastical that he learned. He understands even less how he could ever talk to someone like this, someone he doesn't know but who inherently knows him, an adult that had a position of power over him. Kurusu Akira does not trust easily, and he does not trust quickly, and he doesn't understand how that could ever change.
But it's okay, sometimes, to not understand anything at all.]
If you were there, too... I think there's no way that I could lose.
[ A tight, choking heat rushes up the back of Maruki's throat.
He doesn't doubt that Akira is right, but god, all he wants is to be able to confirm it with the Akira that he knows best. Maruki mourns him even as he smiles at him.
A deep breath, a sharp exhale. He lets it go. There will be time to fall apart later. For now–
Beyond the walls of the garden, the town spills out before them. Maruki turns his attention away from Akira and winces at it. Distinctly medieval, like nothing he'd seen outside of movies before arriving here. The cottages and treehouses are closest, winding dirt and stone paths through them and what passes for a main road leading toward the town center. ]
It's a shock compared to Tokyo, huh? I would say you get used to it, but...
[ He hates it as much as he did the first day, scrambling through a dusty marketplace until his rescue by the Detective Prince.
Which, well.
That's the next step. ]
I can walk through the town with you. If you want to go your own way then, I'll understand.
[ Maruki rubs at the back of his neck. ]
I have a home farther outside of town. I can offer you a room there. All housing here is free, so you don't have to, of course. You can think about it.
[His eyes again. That deep sigh. There's something Akira should say, but- Not yet. He holds it. He'll say it soon, very soon, before they get around other people. For just a moment, it can sit.
After all... there's a new thing to make sense of. He says the very first thing that comes to mind.]
Now you can say that you're from inaka, too.
[It's delivered completely deadpan, unexpected even for Akira himself. He didn't think he could joke around like that right now.]
I'd... like that, though. At least to come take a look at it, if nothing else. [He fiddles with his hair, voice a little bit softer.] I don't know if I could impose on you so soon, but... I'd like to at least come over and talk a little more.
[He doesn't want to be alone. Akira doesn't want to walk through this foreign, unfamiliar, cognitive town without Morgana at his side. But that isn't a weakness he'd show to even people that he already knew he'd die for, so it certainly isn't getting spoken right now.
He might as well get a more simple question out of the way, while he's at it.]
I don't know who else you might've met, but... Is there anyone else from Tokyo here?
It draws a laugh out of Maruki that's so unexpected, it twists and stabs every inch of his windpipe on the way out. Months of suppressing any memory that might hurt too much to look directly at have made him nearly forget just how ridiculously funny Akira can be without even trying. God, he's missed this.
And he takes the invitation, thank god.
And asks the million dollar question right along with it.
Careful. Careful.
It's a long walk to the machiya. Maruki takes them on the most direct path, straight through the cottages toward the business district, where they'll eventually veer off. They can walk with purpose now. ]
So... There are two strange things about this place you should know. I mean– [ Maruki smiles over at him again, brows knitting together as if to say how stupid of me. ] Everything here is strange, but these are important. For us.
[ He gestures to the houses they walk past, quaint little stone cottages. Eren's old home is nearby. Jean still lives there part time. Some others he knows are in the area, too... ]
There are people here from many, many different realities. They all found themselves here just as you and I did, held captive for a wish. And a surprising number of them are from Tokyo, but... not our Tokyo.
[ A Tokyo overrun by demons. A Tokyo where superheroes and supervillains are real, codified jobs. A Tokyo seemingly normal, save for the ability to transport someone to a fantastical world. On and on. ]
You'll meet others from realities you could never dream of. Keep an open mind. Some of them are truly incredible people.
[ Well, that's one strange thing down. He'll wait to see how Akira digests it before breaking the bigger news. ]
[Everything he knew was already being upturned, and now there's even more realities than whatever he and Maruki are dealing with... How can there even be multiple Tokyos? It's like the wildest manga plot he's ever seen.
But even so.
Believe, he thinks, a gentle reminder.]
If I'm honest, it's a little hard to wrap my mind around. [Such a candid thing from him-] But keeping an open mind won't be hard. It wouldn't be fair to stop believing in the impossible now.
[Whoever they are... they deserve a chance.
There's one thing Akira can't help but notice, though. Piercing eyes stare at the side of Maruki's head.
He never answered Akira's question.
It isn't enough to form distrust; not quite. It is enough to make him think. He could have indirect ways of speaking. He could know that Akira's friends mean more to him than the world itself, and to be trapped here away from them would be agony. Or... there could be something that Maruki doesn't want him to know.
It's too early to jump to conclusions. He needs to get more information, even if it's in the most indirect way possible.]
How many types of Tokyo do you think you've encountered so far?
[ Maruki has to wonder if this is really the better way to go about things – learning from someone else rather than being thrown to the wolves. Maybe if he had someone to explain things to him, he wouldn't have jumped so blindly and readily into dream counseling. Then again, probably not...
It is difficult to wrap one's mind around. Akira won't fully be able to until he experiences it for the first time himself. Every protective instinct in Maruki wants to be there for it, be the one to introduce him to the people here who matter, slowly and gently, but he can't. Akira has to stand on his own.
At the question, he thinks. There's Kurogiri and all his friends, of course. Subaru. Maki. Kazuya and Naoya. Dazai and Odasaku, even though they were from Yokohama. Chise, Kenma, Demi-Fiend... ]
Half a dozen or more. Some sound unbelievably different from our own. It's hard to imagine...
[ Maruki adjusts his satchel onto his other shoulder, veers them off toward an exit of the business district. He can bring Akira back later to show him around. The path they set out on will take them past the hill homes, off into the woods. He just walked this path this morning. It shouldn't be dangerous. They'll be fine.
The danger lies in what he has to say next. ]
To answer your earlier question, there is one other person from our reality here.
[ He waits until they're off the beaten path, out of earshot and sight of anyone else. However Akira reacts, Maruki will be here for it. No one else needs to know. ]
He's been here longer than I have. We didn't know one another before we met here, but we live together now. From my perspective, you should know him too... Akechi Goro?
[ If Maruki doesn't exist in Akira's reality, who's to say that Akechi does? They cycled through seemingly infinite realities only mere months ago, tied to one another for better and for worse in every single one. They're fated. It's a vanishing hope that Akira will remember one of them if he doesn't remember the other, but maybe... ]
[Akira is graceful, movements fluid, as sinewy as a cat and just as nimble. He's somersaulted over opponents' heads and has twisted his body to break through a glass window. If he tells his body to do something, to be controlled, it will simply do it.
The world goes still again, but there is no peace to it. There is only the shock of it all going still, the dust shaken off the lockbox in his heart - and his feet, stumbling upon the ground. The strange bag he woke up with doesn't drop into the dirt, but only because he catches it at a delay.
Akechi Goro, here. Akechi Goro, the person he failed the most.]
You know Akechi.
[There's only one thing that truly frightens Akira, and that's running away. To leave behind someone in pain, or in need, or someone simply depending on him.
He doesn't get terrified, but this might be something adjacent to it.
His voice is soft, until it is no longer.]
Is he from your reality? [There's no finesse to his questions, now, only a raw urgency that threads through each of his words.] When is he from?
[That might not be the right way to refer to it, but he doesn't care anymore. Can't, to be more specific. He's a prisoner to the need to know more.]
[ It's a relief, and it isn't. A problem, and a solution. A tremendous heartbreak for reasons Maruki can't begin to touch upon – but for the first time this afternoon, that grief has nothing to do with Akira.
It's a relief. It should be a relief. His guiding light and his closest ally at least have one another.
It's a problem. It is a phenomenal problem.
And Maruki's expression doesn't betray more than brief shock before his brows draw down. He doesn't want Akira to panic. He wants to hold his shoulder, or touch his back, but these are casual touches he's grown used to with his friends here, not something Akira would be used to, even if they did know one another–
So Maruki settles for stopping their walk in its tracks. Turning toward Akira, serious and calm. ]
Breathe. It's alright.
[ Half-dead in the courtyard of a castle. Sick and shaking on the floor of its bathroom. You're alright. He has to tell Akechi before they get within shooting distance of the machiya. He can't hurt both of them like this. ]
We've never had reason to doubt that we're from the same reality, although now that's a more complicated question, obviously...
[ They never met. He saw Akechi on television, and that's it. There's no way of knowing. Maybe Akechi has been from Akira's reality all along. ]
As for when, I don't know. I've never gotten a straight answer out of him.
[ Early June was a lie, and he knows it. Their future plans for November upon their return came up once and only once, and not with enough context for Maruki to be certain of anything.
Akira can ask Akechi himself. If he gets a better answer than Maruki has, more power to him.
Still stalwart, but his tone softens into sympathy. The panic that's risen up in Akira is so unlike his friend. ]
He may be home. I'll check. If you're not ready to see him, for whatever reason, Kurusu-kun, we don't have to go there.
Morgana, he thinks and does not say, because he will not be weak - but it helps. Somehow, the words help, sink in, get his brain to chug along and attempt to work.
Now more than ever, it's critical that he focuses. He must be Joker.]
That sounds like him.
[It flays him apart to even say it.]
Sorry. I didn't mean to... [He's calmer again, getting there, not quite Leader of the Phantom Thieves-calm, but approaching it at a sedate pace. He should never act like that, for any reason, but it seems he's full of slipups today.] If he's there, then I still want to go. I need to see him.
[Needs to see him alive, moving, in front of him.
Needs to search his body for a bullet wound, so maybe he won't have to breathe around the empty space inside himself.]
Will you still take me there?
[The question feels small, fragile and slipping into too-formal. But it doesn't help any of them to turn away from this. Not Akira, not Maruki.
It's true we might need a few minutes, but I don't think you really would. [Or at least- Well. He doesn't know what his own relationship with Maruki is like, but he can guess even less at what his relationship with Akechi is like. They live together? What is he like with him? Akira can't even think about it without his brain feeling like it's going to explode.] Will you come back after, though? I think it'd be good to have you there, after we... figure a few things out.
[Maruki has affection for him, one that seems to run deep, and Akira would really rather that he not find him dead.
Does Akechi still intend to kill him? If his reality is "early" enough, maybe not. Maybe he doesn't even know. How much does Akechi even know Akira...?
He can't think about this. Can't afford to. The only thing he can do is try to survive. Survive long enough to protect Maruki. Survive long enough to apologize to Akechi, if he owes that "yet".]
There's more I'd like to say.
[So he has to make it through this long enough to say it.
He hasn't forgotten the one thing, either. Akira has to say it for sure before they get to the house.]
[ There it is, in the very back of his mind, lodged down so low into the base of his skull that it jabs into his nape: The vague, watery memory of a memory of creating an entire reality in which Akira and Akechi could have a second chance.
Maruki is not that man. He fights every day to not become that man. But he knows himself. He knows that if he stays, he will meddle.
And he needs time to process this. He needs–
The only person who will understand, as ever.
Still, though. He owes Akira this. He owes him so much. ]
Of course I'll come back. There's something else I need to do this afternoon, but I always come home to cook dinner. And you're welcome to stay as long as you want, like I said...
[ Although he sure did offer that up before Akira knew Akechi was in the picture! God, what a mess.
The path through the woods isn't a true road by any stretch of the imagination, but it is well-worn. Maruki has to wonder if they'll see anyone from the farm, the only other housing this far out. ]
Either way, there's more I want to discuss with you too. I could talk your ear off for days on end, hah... [ He scratches at the back of his neck with a little laugh. Waves that hand through the air then, sheepish. ] Anyhow, fire at will.
I'll stay at least til dinner, then. If Akechi doesn't feel like I'm intruding, we can decide what else will come after. [If I can still think straight. If we don't beat each other unconscious. He'd like to at least taste Maruki's cooking. He'd offer to help, but... He did for Zenkichi, but that was different. This might be too forward. He can't be sure what's proper in this sort of situation.] If there's anything else you'd like to ask me, now or after, you're welcome to that, too. But...
[He takes a breath. Stops walking entirely, in fact.
It was important to say this before. It feels even more important now, when he doesn't know what will come after this.]
Before, when I said I couldn't lose... You said that you hoped so. [His hands grip the satchel that he's never owned before, and Akira remembers to breathe.] I just wanted to say that... it isn't something you have to hope for.
[He feels firm. Now... he feels like Joker.
He's the Kurusu Akira that faced Yaldabaoth and won.]
All you have to do is believe in me. If you knew me well enough to see the blood in the sky... believe in me. [His voice is strong, just a touch deeper. If it's the last thing he'll have a chance to say before whatever happens with Akechi, Akira is going to make it count.] If I won in a world without you in it, I'll never lose in one that has you.
[Another breath, and this one is a release. The conviction in his voice doesn't lessen, but his tone returns to something softer.]
That was all I wanted to say. Well- [A half-shrug and something that's almost a smile.] Not the only thing. But it was what I needed you to know.
closes eyes. we can prolly wrap it up on yr reply but trust me i do want to die
[ They're stopped on the path again. Surrounded by tall trees that reach toward an overcast sky. The late autumn sunlight is weak; only a few rays manage to peek through the cloud cover, the canopy of leaves. There is just enough daylight in the forest that it catches and reflects in those gray eyes. As bright and honest as ever.
And then–
If I won in a world without you in it, I'll never lose in one that has you.
It isn't something he has to hope for. All he has to do is believe in Akira. He would never lose in a world that has Maruki.
Something ruptures. One too many stones stack upon his chest, and then the whole thing caves in. He can't repair the scaffolding quickly enough to prop himself up and plaster back over it. If I won in a world without you in it, and such a world shouldn't exist, Akira should be yet another person he's meant to always find – I'll never lose in one that has you, and maybe that's why they're here now, maybe it was meant to happen like this. Maybe a final goodbye in a nurse's office after a decadent tempura udon lunch was only the beginning of one of reality's infinite concentric circles.
Maruki feels himself smile through it. Somehow. It wavers, but it's true. ]
I know that you're right. I've never doubted you. This place... it will mess with us. With everyone. But that's one promise I want to make to you now, Kurusu-kun.
[ People like them, they don't give up. Maruki will prove it in the foundation they rebuild, brick by brick. ]
No matter what happens, I won't ever doubt you.
[ He'll bring Akira to the machiya after this. He'll deliver him to Akechi, he'll go his own way for a while to fall apart, he'll piece himself back together and return for a meal and a discussion as they learn one another for the first time all over again. And they'll keep doing that, the next day and the next, until this reality shatters beneath their feet.
He doesn't tremble, but the feelings crash into him like a wave. What could have been, if only he'd had someone to tell him all this so long ago? Maybe it would've looked just like this.
Maybe it looked like someone extending a hand, saying they would believe him, saying they would never doubt him, instead of turning their eyes to the ground during his greatest time of need. Maybe it feels like Sojiro teaching him to cook, or Akira teaching Zenkichi to cook, and a smile full of pride instead of a frown of shame. Maybe it feels like the warmest well done he's ever heard, and an adult acting the way they should even once.
To experience it like this, near instantly, is flooring. Is it a product of this unique situation, or did an Akira in another timeline or reality or life feel just as swept away in this feeling? Did it feel like meeting someone he should've known for his whole life, relatable and with his whole heart on display for Akira to see? Did it feel like knowing someone he could lower so many masks around and bear so many of his vulnerable pieces?
He can't be sure. But what he does know is that he's feeling too many things to name. He knows he feels lighter and heavier at the same time. And what he knows most of all is-]
Thank you.
[Small and quiet, true and genuine.
He knows he wants this to last. The rest... he can figure that out. That's what Akira always does.
When he takes Maruki's hand, his own is steadier than he thought it might be.
His Arcana... Akira wonders what it was, what it looks like. What he'd feel like seeing it in the Velvet Room, or when Chihaya's fingers overturned it in the middle of a reading.
It would be a warm feeling, he thinks. Maybe he'd even smile. It would've been a nice counterpoint to the hollowness anytime after seeing La Justice.]
I promise I'll live up to that. [He will. He'll show him. Whatever that other Akira did - Akira will be worthy of it, too. Because, after all-] It's a deal.
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It's meant for him... It's meant for someone else? Akira can't be sure.
But he knows it would be hard for him to hear, no matter what else was happening. Even when Sojiro says things like that... it makes so many feelings squirm through his chest.
How can he accept that, from someone he doesn't even know? It's like looking directly at the sun. It burns his skin, sears directly down to his soul.]
I...
["This place," when he has so many other things to deal with - but that's the point. They have to figure this out, together. He hasn't looked up, but the things scattered on the ground-]
These are your yours?
[It's poised like a question, but Akira is already kneeling down and gathering them into his arms. Books, perhaps journals, which aren't wholly unexpected... but phones? He picks them up anyway; it's not his business to pry.]
I have things I want to know, and you must have things you'd like to know, too. [For a moment, his hands are still. Processing. Just a bit unsteady, because he doesn't really know how to gather himself when Morgana is gone. And then he's in motion again, tapping the books together against his knees til they're straightened out before he holds them out to be taken.] If we're going to understand together, we can't do that by being alone.
[He can't trust, because there's only a few people he can do that with right now. Not yet, at least, even in spite of everything.
But he won't turn his back on the person that needs him.]
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Ah, it doesn't matter. Everything gets thrown into the satchel he swings over his shoulder – the very same as the one Akira's found himself with, though the contract and potion are long gone. ]
Thank you.
[ As they begin to make their way through the garden, Maruki keeps their pace to a casual amble. Things have been relatively safe lately, which actually doesn't engender much in the way of calm for him; he is alert every step of the way, on the watch for anything that could swiftly go wrong. Whatever power Akira does have back in their true reality, he doesn't know the full extent of, but Maruki does know he's without it now. He won't let him be hurt. The idea alone sinks deep fangs into his heart, cold dread replaced by a fierce need to protect.
What a strange turn of events, being the one someone can rely on. Even if they don't know it yet. ]
This place is called Somnius. Its true nature is unknown. I've been operating under the assumption that it's some sort of cognitive world, but we haven't yet been able to find a way to break free. [ We, the population at large. We, he and Akechi. He'll get there. ] To put to rest an understandable concern up front, it's been proven several times over by those who have left and returned that your reality, as you know it, won't go on without you. You don't have to worry about friends or family knowing you're missing, or anything important left undone...
[ He pauses, mouth twisting, then glances over at Akira. ]
Please, ask anything that pops into your head. I know how surreal it is. I've been here for half a year.
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Somnius...
[Akira starts there, at least, spelling out the unfamiliar word. That Maruki knows about cognitive worlds is alarming in itself - what exactly happened between them-? - but it does take a burden off. There's a chance he doesn't have to explain that, or at least explain much of it, because he's dealing with someone on equal footing.
In spite of everything, it's a strange comfort when there isn't much of that to be found.
His hands itch for his notebook, or a new one entirely, a place to organize his thoughts and list out what he knows, what he still needs to find out. He thinks of all the Monabuses that would be doodled between the margins with a sharp ache, and considers that perhaps it's better to not have it after all.]
You've been here for half a year, but time only passes within... whatever this place is, if I'm understanding that right. [So he addresses what he knows, and jumps into what he doesn't-] When you said that my probation hadn't happened "for you" yet, is that what you meant? It wasn't unprecedented for you, because you knew people could come and go without it having any effect on our reality?
[It requires having to rethink everything that he knows, to accept this as truth. But it's hardly the first time that Akira has ever had to do that.]
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He keeps it tempered, nods along with the question. ]
That's right. Setting aside other oddities between us, from your perspective, when you left your reality it was– August, I'm assuming?
[ Truly bizarre to consider. At the end of August, he'd spent the whole summer working on his research as much as he could and was simply biding his time until he and Akira could meet again in the halls of Shujin. And this Akira is a whole year out from that time, nonexistent as it is... ]
But from my perspective, when I left it was wintertime.
[ A beat, and one of those questions he's wanted answered for so long jumps onto his tongue. Maruki swallows it back, waits to see if this gets any reaction instead. ]
Christmas Eve, to be exact.
girl i just read this and refreshed and i still can't tell what changed, i can't read fr
Finding them there, already staring at him. Searching, like he knows something far too much. Like he's seeking an answer.
There's no way, and yet...]
I'd be from eight months later, then, yes. That seems like the way it works. [He swallows past the tightness in his throat, the instinctive need to swallow it down and keep it away, hidden, hidden-] If what I'm about to ask doesn't mean anything to you, it's something you don't need to worry about. But...
[It feels freeing. It feels like the deepest sort of betrayal. It's stepping onto a floor that isn't there, but believing that cognition will make it so.]
On that day... Did you see anything unusual in Tokyo?
[One way or another, this will answer something he wants to know. Not the accumulation of knowledge, though that's just as important.
But he'll know for sure, just how deep "his" trust for this man goes.]
asdhfsdkfhFLDKJDS leave me OLONEEEEEE
Finally.
Finally. ]
I've been waiting to talk about this for so long.
[ I missed you so much. ]
I was visiting my old university, so I was indoors, but when I looked out the window... I saw the sky turn red. [ They're nearly to the edge of the garden, walled off from the rest of the town. Maruki is in no hurry at all. He's only focused on Akira. ] The person I was meeting with couldn't see it, but I could.
[ When he first arrived in Somnius, he never would have guessed for a moment that it had anything to do with Akira. But he's learned enough now to connect those two strings, even if the rest still hang limp and mysterious. He doesn't know what happened, or why, or how. What it meant, what came next. He only knows that it did happen, and Akira knows it did too. ]
I CAN MAKE FUN OF MYSELF IF I WANT TO!!!
[He shuts his eyes and breathes, as steady as he can manage. Tries to think of Morgana's warm weight against his stomach when it's time for bed.
The others he spoke to didn't know what had happened. But he does still know the only people that could see that... were the ones he forged a bond with. Twenty-one strings of fate, neatly tied around his heart and holding him upright as he threw himself against the might of a god.
Akira opens his eyes. Fights against every instinct that fights bitterly within his soul, fights with every ounce of him that was able to take hold of Sophia and Zenkichi's hands and never, ever let go.
Twenty-two.
Twenty-three.
Twenty-four.]
What you saw was the aftereffect of a terrible battle the Phantom Thieves were in the middle of. [Akira's voice has shifted; something stiff lost, yet something else... something that Maruki may find familiar is there. It's not quite trust yet, but-] Most people were unable to see it, but I have some suspicions. When I talked to others later, the only ones who could see the sky change were... people that had a connection to us.
[A beat, and then...]
They were people that had a connection to me.
[His bonds, his true strength, the only thing between him and the enslavement of the world.]
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Maruki knew. He doesn't know how, but he knew. Some things that live that deep in one's soul can't be explained. He knew.
A hand rubbing gently between Akechi's shoulder blades as he retched onto bloodstained grass–
Eren's arms wrapped around him in the rubble of Eyn Sof–
And now, here at the edge of the Enchanted Garden, a hand coming up to clasp over Akira's shoulder. A squeeze, brief but firm, as he looks over at his once and future friend with nothing less than utter conviction burning straight through him when he says: ]
I believe you.
[ Maruki's hand drops away. ]
I believe we had that connection in my reality. And I believe that we didn't, in yours.
[ If the conviction burns him too, if he hurts, if he never stops hurting, so be it. There are more important things than his own heart. ]
You made it through that battle in both, didn't you? That's all that matters to me...
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It doesn't, not truly. But to Akira... it feels like it does. His heart must be beating, his breaths must be flowing- but he's too stunned to take stock of it all.
His world is narrowed to two things only: the pressure of a hand, and a single phrase.
"I believe you."
You...
[It penetrates straight to his heart, this impossible man that held a bond with him in what must amount to another life. It's not just the affection Maruki has for him... but the words he waited so long for someone to say.
They're the words that his soul screamed and cried out for, railing against the injustice done against him as he was sent away to a place entirely unknown.
They're the words that healed so many of the broken pieces within him, that made him feel like a person again. Ryuji and Ann, Sojiro and Sae.
They are the words he waited for and never received at the most critical juncture, his justice returned with betrayal.
They are the ones he laid awake wishing for and wondering what could have happened
if only someone had helped him back then.]
I think that I understand now.
[It's spoken distant, but not lost. He could be talking to Maruki, or himself, or simply no one at all.
There's nothing hurt in it. There's no sadness in it. There is only a sort of wonder.]
I won. We won. And if our realities are really different...
[He doesn't understand it, these impossibilities that go beyond even the fantastical that he learned. He understands even less how he could ever talk to someone like this, someone he doesn't know but who inherently knows him, an adult that had a position of power over him. Kurusu Akira does not trust easily, and he does not trust quickly, and he doesn't understand how that could ever change.
But it's okay, sometimes, to not understand anything at all.]
If you were there, too... I think there's no way that I could lose.
[Sometimes... you only need to believe.]
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[ A tight, choking heat rushes up the back of Maruki's throat.
He doesn't doubt that Akira is right, but god, all he wants is to be able to confirm it with the Akira that he knows best. Maruki mourns him even as he smiles at him.
A deep breath, a sharp exhale. He lets it go. There will be time to fall apart later. For now–
Beyond the walls of the garden, the town spills out before them. Maruki turns his attention away from Akira and winces at it. Distinctly medieval, like nothing he'd seen outside of movies before arriving here. The cottages and treehouses are closest, winding dirt and stone paths through them and what passes for a main road leading toward the town center. ]
It's a shock compared to Tokyo, huh? I would say you get used to it, but...
[ He hates it as much as he did the first day, scrambling through a dusty marketplace until his rescue by the Detective Prince.
Which, well.
That's the next step. ]
I can walk through the town with you. If you want to go your own way then, I'll understand.
[ Maruki rubs at the back of his neck. ]
I have a home farther outside of town. I can offer you a room there. All housing here is free, so you don't have to, of course. You can think about it.
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After all... there's a new thing to make sense of. He says the very first thing that comes to mind.]
Now you can say that you're from inaka, too.
[It's delivered completely deadpan, unexpected even for Akira himself. He didn't think he could joke around like that right now.]
I'd... like that, though. At least to come take a look at it, if nothing else. [He fiddles with his hair, voice a little bit softer.] I don't know if I could impose on you so soon, but... I'd like to at least come over and talk a little more.
[He doesn't want to be alone. Akira doesn't want to walk through this foreign, unfamiliar, cognitive town without Morgana at his side. But that isn't a weakness he'd show to even people that he already knew he'd die for, so it certainly isn't getting spoken right now.
He might as well get a more simple question out of the way, while he's at it.]
I don't know who else you might've met, but... Is there anyone else from Tokyo here?
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It draws a laugh out of Maruki that's so unexpected, it twists and stabs every inch of his windpipe on the way out. Months of suppressing any memory that might hurt too much to look directly at have made him nearly forget just how ridiculously funny Akira can be without even trying. God, he's missed this.
And he takes the invitation, thank god.
And asks the million dollar question right along with it.
Careful. Careful.
It's a long walk to the machiya. Maruki takes them on the most direct path, straight through the cottages toward the business district, where they'll eventually veer off. They can walk with purpose now. ]
So... There are two strange things about this place you should know. I mean– [ Maruki smiles over at him again, brows knitting together as if to say how stupid of me. ] Everything here is strange, but these are important. For us.
[ He gestures to the houses they walk past, quaint little stone cottages. Eren's old home is nearby. Jean still lives there part time. Some others he knows are in the area, too... ]
There are people here from many, many different realities. They all found themselves here just as you and I did, held captive for a wish. And a surprising number of them are from Tokyo, but... not our Tokyo.
[ A Tokyo overrun by demons. A Tokyo where superheroes and supervillains are real, codified jobs. A Tokyo seemingly normal, save for the ability to transport someone to a fantastical world. On and on. ]
You'll meet others from realities you could never dream of. Keep an open mind. Some of them are truly incredible people.
[ Well, that's one strange thing down. He'll wait to see how Akira digests it before breaking the bigger news. ]
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[Everything he knew was already being upturned, and now there's even more realities than whatever he and Maruki are dealing with... How can there even be multiple Tokyos? It's like the wildest manga plot he's ever seen.
But even so.
Believe, he thinks, a gentle reminder.]
If I'm honest, it's a little hard to wrap my mind around. [Such a candid thing from him-] But keeping an open mind won't be hard. It wouldn't be fair to stop believing in the impossible now.
[Whoever they are... they deserve a chance.
There's one thing Akira can't help but notice, though. Piercing eyes stare at the side of Maruki's head.
He never answered Akira's question.
It isn't enough to form distrust; not quite. It is enough to make him think. He could have indirect ways of speaking. He could know that Akira's friends mean more to him than the world itself, and to be trapped here away from them would be agony. Or... there could be something that Maruki doesn't want him to know.
It's too early to jump to conclusions. He needs to get more information, even if it's in the most indirect way possible.]
How many types of Tokyo do you think you've encountered so far?
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It is difficult to wrap one's mind around. Akira won't fully be able to until he experiences it for the first time himself. Every protective instinct in Maruki wants to be there for it, be the one to introduce him to the people here who matter, slowly and gently, but he can't. Akira has to stand on his own.
At the question, he thinks. There's Kurogiri and all his friends, of course. Subaru. Maki. Kazuya and Naoya. Dazai and Odasaku, even though they were from Yokohama. Chise, Kenma, Demi-Fiend... ]
Half a dozen or more. Some sound unbelievably different from our own. It's hard to imagine...
[ Maruki adjusts his satchel onto his other shoulder, veers them off toward an exit of the business district. He can bring Akira back later to show him around. The path they set out on will take them past the hill homes, off into the woods. He just walked this path this morning. It shouldn't be dangerous. They'll be fine.
The danger lies in what he has to say next. ]
To answer your earlier question, there is one other person from our reality here.
[ He waits until they're off the beaten path, out of earshot and sight of anyone else. However Akira reacts, Maruki will be here for it. No one else needs to know. ]
He's been here longer than I have. We didn't know one another before we met here, but we live together now. From my perspective, you should know him too... Akechi Goro?
[ If Maruki doesn't exist in Akira's reality, who's to say that Akechi does? They cycled through seemingly infinite realities only mere months ago, tied to one another for better and for worse in every single one. They're fated. It's a vanishing hope that Akira will remember one of them if he doesn't remember the other, but maybe... ]
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The world goes still again, but there is no peace to it. There is only the shock of it all going still, the dust shaken off the lockbox in his heart - and his feet, stumbling upon the ground. The strange bag he woke up with doesn't drop into the dirt, but only because he catches it at a delay.
Akechi Goro, here. Akechi Goro, the person he failed the most.]
You know Akechi.
[There's only one thing that truly frightens Akira, and that's running away. To leave behind someone in pain, or in need, or someone simply depending on him.
He doesn't get terrified, but this might be something adjacent to it.
His voice is soft, until it is no longer.]
Is he from your reality? [There's no finesse to his questions, now, only a raw urgency that threads through each of his words.] When is he from?
[That might not be the right way to refer to it, but he doesn't care anymore. Can't, to be more specific. He's a prisoner to the need to know more.]
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You–
[ It's a relief, and it isn't. A problem, and a solution. A tremendous heartbreak for reasons Maruki can't begin to touch upon – but for the first time this afternoon, that grief has nothing to do with Akira.
It's a relief. It should be a relief. His guiding light and his closest ally at least have one another.
It's a problem. It is a phenomenal problem.
And Maruki's expression doesn't betray more than brief shock before his brows draw down. He doesn't want Akira to panic. He wants to hold his shoulder, or touch his back, but these are casual touches he's grown used to with his friends here, not something Akira would be used to, even if they did know one another–
So Maruki settles for stopping their walk in its tracks. Turning toward Akira, serious and calm. ]
Breathe. It's alright.
[ Half-dead in the courtyard of a castle. Sick and shaking on the floor of its bathroom. You're alright. He has to tell Akechi before they get within shooting distance of the machiya. He can't hurt both of them like this. ]
We've never had reason to doubt that we're from the same reality, although now that's a more complicated question, obviously...
[ They never met. He saw Akechi on television, and that's it. There's no way of knowing. Maybe Akechi has been from Akira's reality all along. ]
As for when, I don't know. I've never gotten a straight answer out of him.
[ Early June was a lie, and he knows it. Their future plans for November upon their return came up once and only once, and not with enough context for Maruki to be certain of anything.
Akira can ask Akechi himself. If he gets a better answer than Maruki has, more power to him.
Still stalwart, but his tone softens into sympathy. The panic that's risen up in Akira is so unlike his friend. ]
He may be home. I'll check. If you're not ready to see him, for whatever reason, Kurusu-kun, we don't have to go there.
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It's alright.
Morgana, he thinks and does not say, because he will not be weak - but it helps. Somehow, the words help, sink in, get his brain to chug along and attempt to work.
Now more than ever, it's critical that he focuses. He must be Joker.]
That sounds like him.
[It flays him apart to even say it.]
Sorry. I didn't mean to... [He's calmer again, getting there, not quite Leader of the Phantom Thieves-calm, but approaching it at a sedate pace. He should never act like that, for any reason, but it seems he's full of slipups today.] If he's there, then I still want to go. I need to see him.
[Needs to see him alive, moving, in front of him.
Needs to search his body for a bullet wound, so maybe he won't have to breathe around the empty space inside himself.]
Will you still take me there?
[The question feels small, fragile and slipping into too-formal. But it doesn't help any of them to turn away from this. Not Akira, not Maruki.
And not Akechi, either.]
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Akira doesn't have to ask. He never has to ask for a single thing again. Maruki would do anything, anything for him. ]
Of course.
[ As he turns to begin walking again, he swings the satchel off his shoulder, fishes the smart phone out. Taps a quick message as he speaks– ]
You don't have to apologize. I can only imagine how jarring all of this is. My own arrival is beginning to feel tame in comparison.
[ –and hits send.
Phone tucked away again, satchel back over his shoulder. Whatever Akechi replies with won't be seen. ]
If it's alright, though... I don't think I should stay once we get there. You two should have your space. I don't want to meddle.
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[Maruki has affection for him, one that seems to run deep, and Akira would really rather that he not find him dead.
Does Akechi still intend to kill him? If his reality is "early" enough, maybe not. Maybe he doesn't even know. How much does Akechi even know Akira...?
He can't think about this. Can't afford to. The only thing he can do is try to survive. Survive long enough to protect Maruki. Survive long enough to apologize to Akechi, if he owes that "yet".]
There's more I'd like to say.
[So he has to make it through this long enough to say it.
He hasn't forgotten the one thing, either. Akira has to say it for sure before they get to the house.]
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Maruki is not that man. He fights every day to not become that man. But he knows himself. He knows that if he stays, he will meddle.
And he needs time to process this. He needs–
The only person who will understand, as ever.
Still, though. He owes Akira this. He owes him so much. ]
Of course I'll come back. There's something else I need to do this afternoon, but I always come home to cook dinner. And you're welcome to stay as long as you want, like I said...
[ Although he sure did offer that up before Akira knew Akechi was in the picture! God, what a mess.
The path through the woods isn't a true road by any stretch of the imagination, but it is well-worn. Maruki has to wonder if they'll see anyone from the farm, the only other housing this far out. ]
Either way, there's more I want to discuss with you too. I could talk your ear off for days on end, hah... [ He scratches at the back of his neck with a little laugh. Waves that hand through the air then, sheepish. ] Anyhow, fire at will.
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[He takes a breath. Stops walking entirely, in fact.
It was important to say this before. It feels even more important now, when he doesn't know what will come after this.]
Before, when I said I couldn't lose... You said that you hoped so. [His hands grip the satchel that he's never owned before, and Akira remembers to breathe.] I just wanted to say that... it isn't something you have to hope for.
[He feels firm. Now... he feels like Joker.
He's the Kurusu Akira that faced Yaldabaoth and won.]
All you have to do is believe in me. If you knew me well enough to see the blood in the sky... believe in me. [His voice is strong, just a touch deeper. If it's the last thing he'll have a chance to say before whatever happens with Akechi, Akira is going to make it count.] If I won in a world without you in it, I'll never lose in one that has you.
[Another breath, and this one is a release. The conviction in his voice doesn't lessen, but his tone returns to something softer.]
That was all I wanted to say. Well- [A half-shrug and something that's almost a smile.] Not the only thing. But it was what I needed you to know.
closes eyes. we can prolly wrap it up on yr reply but trust me i do want to die
And then–
It isn't something he has to hope for. All he has to do is believe in Akira. He would never lose in a world that has Maruki.
Something ruptures. One too many stones stack upon his chest, and then the whole thing caves in. He can't repair the scaffolding quickly enough to prop himself up and plaster back over it. If I won in a world without you in it, and such a world shouldn't exist, Akira should be yet another person he's meant to always find – I'll never lose in one that has you, and maybe that's why they're here now, maybe it was meant to happen like this. Maybe a final goodbye in a nurse's office after a decadent tempura udon lunch was only the beginning of one of reality's infinite concentric circles.
Maruki feels himself smile through it. Somehow. It wavers, but it's true. ]
I know that you're right. I've never doubted you. This place... it will mess with us. With everyone. But that's one promise I want to make to you now, Kurusu-kun.
[ People like them, they don't give up. Maruki will prove it in the foundation they rebuild, brick by brick. ]
No matter what happens, I won't ever doubt you.
[ He'll bring Akira to the machiya after this. He'll deliver him to Akechi, he'll go his own way for a while to fall apart, he'll piece himself back together and return for a meal and a discussion as they learn one another for the first time all over again. And they'll keep doing that, the next day and the next, until this reality shatters beneath their feet.
But first:
Maruki extends a hand to shake. ]
wrapping........ derogatory...........
He doesn't tremble, but the feelings crash into him like a wave. What could have been, if only he'd had someone to tell him all this so long ago? Maybe it would've looked just like this.
Maybe it looked like someone extending a hand, saying they would believe him, saying they would never doubt him, instead of turning their eyes to the ground during his greatest time of need. Maybe it feels like Sojiro teaching him to cook, or Akira teaching Zenkichi to cook, and a smile full of pride instead of a frown of shame. Maybe it feels like the warmest well done he's ever heard, and an adult acting the way they should even once.
To experience it like this, near instantly, is flooring. Is it a product of this unique situation, or did an Akira in another timeline or reality or life feel just as swept away in this feeling? Did it feel like meeting someone he should've known for his whole life, relatable and with his whole heart on display for Akira to see? Did it feel like knowing someone he could lower so many masks around and bear so many of his vulnerable pieces?
He can't be sure. But what he does know is that he's feeling too many things to name. He knows he feels lighter and heavier at the same time. And what he knows most of all is-]
Thank you.
[Small and quiet, true and genuine.
He knows he wants this to last. The rest... he can figure that out. That's what Akira always does.
When he takes Maruki's hand, his own is steadier than he thought it might be.
His Arcana... Akira wonders what it was, what it looks like. What he'd feel like seeing it in the Velvet Room, or when Chihaya's fingers overturned it in the middle of a reading.
It would be a warm feeling, he thinks. Maybe he'd even smile. It would've been a nice counterpoint to the hollowness anytime after seeing La Justice.]
I promise I'll live up to that. [He will. He'll show him. Whatever that other Akira did - Akira will be worthy of it, too. Because, after all-] It's a deal.
[A bond is forged.]