[It escapes out of him, the quietest of breaths as Maruki keeps talking.
There are only two reasons that he can ever think that he would admit to such a thing. The first, low chance that it is, would be if he was directly found out like he'd been with Sojiro. It's obviously happened before, so it's not impossible. But the other option would be...
If he did something that's even more unlikely for him to ever do. Something he could never do with any adults in that school except Kawakami, and only because a freak accident opened the way for them to deal directly with one another...
Maybe it's because Maruki was (is?) a counselor. Maybe something unexpected happened. Or maybe... there was only something achingly familiar buried in the words he says and the moves he makes, and maybe whatever Akira that Maruki thinks he knows saw that, too.
Maybe, somehow, this is someone that Akira trusts with his entire life.
"I'm sorry-"]
Wait. [The word bursts out of Akira, something even he can't place causing his voice to tremble.] Wait. Please.
[Why would I trust back then, when-
Blue and red lights, and a woman unable to look him in the eye as he's pulled away.
How could I trust, and someone in authority, when it only ever-
An impassable door, a searing gunshot.
And yet...]
Please... don't apologize.
[Because it hurts to hear. And that's something Akira can't make sense of, either.]
I don't... understand what's happening. [A severe understatement, but it still feels like something that needs to be said.] But you know me. You know about me, the greatest thing that I should never tell anyone else. The way you're talking about me, the way you're looking at me-
[Like you're grieving.
The words stick in his throat. He doesn't say it.
But he can't abide by this. He can't ignore someone in pain.]
Even if I can't understand... This isn't your fault.
[And he can ignore it even less if he's the cause of it.
no subject
[It escapes out of him, the quietest of breaths as Maruki keeps talking.
There are only two reasons that he can ever think that he would admit to such a thing. The first, low chance that it is, would be if he was directly found out like he'd been with Sojiro. It's obviously happened before, so it's not impossible. But the other option would be...
If he did something that's even more unlikely for him to ever do. Something he could never do with any adults in that school except Kawakami, and only because a freak accident opened the way for them to deal directly with one another...
Maybe it's because Maruki was (is?) a counselor. Maybe something unexpected happened. Or maybe... there was only something achingly familiar buried in the words he says and the moves he makes, and maybe whatever Akira that Maruki thinks he knows saw that, too.
Maybe, somehow, this is someone that Akira trusts with his entire life.
Wait. [The word bursts out of Akira, something even he can't place causing his voice to tremble.] Wait. Please.
[Why would I trust back then, when-
Blue and red lights, and a woman unable to look him in the eye as he's pulled away.
How could I trust, and someone in authority, when it only ever-
An impassable door, a searing gunshot.
And yet...]
Please... don't apologize.
[Because it hurts to hear. And that's something Akira can't make sense of, either.]
I don't... understand what's happening. [A severe understatement, but it still feels like something that needs to be said.] But you know me. You know about me, the greatest thing that I should never tell anyone else. The way you're talking about me, the way you're looking at me-
[Like you're grieving.
The words stick in his throat. He doesn't say it.
But he can't abide by this. He can't ignore someone in pain.]
Even if I can't understand... This isn't your fault.
[And he can ignore it even less if he's the cause of it.
He has to help.]
So let's try to understand, together.