The guilt. The certainty about destroying Rumi's copy. The way he could only speak of this to Akira.
It should be a terrible thing to find out. Maybe it is. Maybe that's why his gut twists so terribly as he stares at Maruki's face, but if he were to really weigh it in his hands...
The sorrow on Maruki's face is deep and unending, no matter how much he's smiled through every terrible word he said. It's harder for Akira to look at than for him to hear the things that would horrify his friends.
"If I agree to this, the ruined city will return to normal."
But there's one thing that's never really changed about Akira, no matter who he's around or who he's spoken to.
"However, the people will remain trapped, abandoning their ability to think for themselves..."
Humans are capable of terrible, terrible things. The most wretched acts and most irredeemable crimes. That has never influenced who he spends time with, who he will make himself useful to so he may utilize them in turn. Nor has it ever changed the types of people who genuinely worked their way into his heart and all of the things they've done.
Akira knows that every inch of Akechi's hands are drenched in blood and he knows he will never try to wash it off, just as much as he knows that he'll tear himself apart if that's what it takes to save his life.
"Is that really how the world should be?"
Because Akira has always known that he isn't a good person. He's only met people that made him want to be a better one, and who he's made better choices for the sake of.]
...So that's what it was. Why you were sure about her. And why your pain was so vast.
[It's not a far distance from Maruki at all, only a few steps. Akira crosses it.]
I can't be the one to tell you if her happiness is the only thing that matters. If what you did was right or wrong. I won't absolve you of it, the same way I won't condemn you for it. But...
[Akira stops beside where he sits, and looks down.
Before him is Maruki Takuto, suffocating under the weight of his own sins.
Before him is Maruki Takuto, who leaves snacks out on the table for when he gets home from his late shift at Club Quartz, somehow always his favorite. Before him is Maruki Takuto, the only one Akira will allow in the kitchen beside him, flowing from one spot to another without either of them ever disrupting their work. Before him is Maruki Takuto, who lights up with the enthusiasm of a child when he speaks of the difference between physics in the natural world and the Metaverse.
The person who Akira cares about, who he's willing to die to save, has killed more than Akira has dared to ask.
The person who Akira cares about, who fate denied him the chance to meet, wiped clean the mind of the woman he loves.
A person who Akira cares about is in incalculable pain.
His hand reaches out
and gently rests on the shoulder before him.]
When I was first placed under arrest, I felt cornered in an impossible situation. I felt trapped. I felt betrayed. People I've known since I was a small child looked at me with fear and disdain. If I'd had to stay there, in that place that used to be my home... my will itself would've been crushed. It would've eroded away me. No matter how else any of it made me feel... going to Tokyo was an escape from all of that.
[He's never told anyone this. Maybe will never tell anyone this again.]
I think that, in some situations... an escape is your only way out of it. There's a difference between running away and finding escape from the situation that's entrapped you. I can't say whether or not it was the same for Rumi-san. But I think she was also being crushed under an impossible weight. Maybe what you did was right, and maybe what you did was wrong - but it doesn't change that you freed her from it.
[Maybe, even if Akira can't free him from that pain... maybe something in his words can ease it.]
Since she's forgotten you, have you spoken to her?
somebody make Me forget this thread
The guilt. The certainty about destroying Rumi's copy. The way he could only speak of this to Akira.
It should be a terrible thing to find out. Maybe it is. Maybe that's why his gut twists so terribly as he stares at Maruki's face, but if he were to really weigh it in his hands...
The sorrow on Maruki's face is deep and unending, no matter how much he's smiled through every terrible word he said. It's harder for Akira to look at than for him to hear the things that would horrify his friends.
"If I agree to this, the ruined city will return to normal."
But there's one thing that's never really changed about Akira, no matter who he's around or who he's spoken to.
"However, the people will remain trapped, abandoning their ability to think for themselves..."
Humans are capable of terrible, terrible things. The most wretched acts and most irredeemable crimes. That has never influenced who he spends time with, who he will make himself useful to so he may utilize them in turn. Nor has it ever changed the types of people who genuinely worked their way into his heart and all of the things they've done.
Akira knows that every inch of Akechi's hands are drenched in blood and he knows he will never try to wash it off, just as much as he knows that he'll tear himself apart if that's what it takes to save his life.
Because Akira has always known that he isn't a good person. He's only met people that made him want to be a better one, and who he's made better choices for the sake of.]
...So that's what it was. Why you were sure about her. And why your pain was so vast.
[It's not a far distance from Maruki at all, only a few steps. Akira crosses it.]
I can't be the one to tell you if her happiness is the only thing that matters. If what you did was right or wrong. I won't absolve you of it, the same way I won't condemn you for it. But...
[Akira stops beside where he sits, and looks down.
Before him is Maruki Takuto, suffocating under the weight of his own sins.
Before him is Maruki Takuto, who leaves snacks out on the table for when he gets home from his late shift at Club Quartz, somehow always his favorite. Before him is Maruki Takuto, the only one Akira will allow in the kitchen beside him, flowing from one spot to another without either of them ever disrupting their work. Before him is Maruki Takuto, who lights up with the enthusiasm of a child when he speaks of the difference between physics in the natural world and the Metaverse.
The person who Akira cares about, who he's willing to die to save, has killed more than Akira has dared to ask.
The person who Akira cares about, who fate denied him the chance to meet, wiped clean the mind of the woman he loves.
A person who Akira cares about is in incalculable pain.
His hand reaches out
When I was first placed under arrest, I felt cornered in an impossible situation. I felt trapped. I felt betrayed. People I've known since I was a small child looked at me with fear and disdain. If I'd had to stay there, in that place that used to be my home... my will itself would've been crushed. It would've eroded away me. No matter how else any of it made me feel... going to Tokyo was an escape from all of that.
[He's never told anyone this. Maybe will never tell anyone this again.]
I think that, in some situations... an escape is your only way out of it. There's a difference between running away and finding escape from the situation that's entrapped you. I can't say whether or not it was the same for Rumi-san. But I think she was also being crushed under an impossible weight. Maybe what you did was right, and maybe what you did was wrong - but it doesn't change that you freed her from it.
[Maybe, even if Akira can't free him from that pain... maybe something in his words can ease it.]
Since she's forgotten you, have you spoken to her?