[ It's strange, how quickly a place can become a safe haven. It was like that with the first iteration of Eyn Sof, too – now nothing more than a pile of debris he's pointed out to Akira any time they happen to wander through the much more humble Somnius town center. For so long, that office was his only true oasis of peace and privacy. Perhaps that's why it was all the more insulting when it was bugged.
It's the same with this office. It helps that it isn't open to the public, so it's not inextricably linked with long days spent listening to the tragedies of a hundred realities he'll never be able to save – more than anything else, it's where he comes when he needs to be alone.
They're safe here. He's sure of it.
It's one of the few things he's sure of at the moment.
Maruki locks the door behind him and crosses to one of the sofas immediately, sitting just as Akira tells him to. He's being a horrible host right now, he knows, but– it doesn't matter, as Akira picks up the slack for him.
Guilt gnaws through his gut and his head swims again as he folds down to rest his elbows on his knees, his head in his hands. In through the nose, two, three, four, out through the mouth, two, three, four. He's fine. They're both fine. Rumi is– ]
I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had to see that, and– see me deal with it.
[ He doesn't lift his head as he speaks, eyes trained down on the ground until they squeeze shut. ]
I'm sure it seemed callous, but...
[ There's no end to that sentence. It was callous. Even though he knows from experience that arguing with a doppelganger has no effect, he still feels terrible for not at least hearing her out. She wasn't even real, and yet that knowledge does nothing to absolve him of the sins he's rapidly listing off in his own mind.
In through the nose. Out through the mouth.
Maruki nudges his glasses up into his hair, presses the heels of his palms into his eyes until neon colors begin to waver behind his eyelids. ]
no subject
It's the same with this office. It helps that it isn't open to the public, so it's not inextricably linked with long days spent listening to the tragedies of a hundred realities he'll never be able to save – more than anything else, it's where he comes when he needs to be alone.
They're safe here. He's sure of it.
It's one of the few things he's sure of at the moment.
Maruki locks the door behind him and crosses to one of the sofas immediately, sitting just as Akira tells him to. He's being a horrible host right now, he knows, but– it doesn't matter, as Akira picks up the slack for him.
Guilt gnaws through his gut and his head swims again as he folds down to rest his elbows on his knees, his head in his hands. In through the nose, two, three, four, out through the mouth, two, three, four. He's fine. They're both fine. Rumi is– ]
I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had to see that, and– see me deal with it.
[ He doesn't lift his head as he speaks, eyes trained down on the ground until they squeeze shut. ]
I'm sure it seemed callous, but...
[ There's no end to that sentence. It was callous. Even though he knows from experience that arguing with a doppelganger has no effect, he still feels terrible for not at least hearing her out. She wasn't even real, and yet that knowledge does nothing to absolve him of the sins he's rapidly listing off in his own mind.
In through the nose. Out through the mouth.
Maruki nudges his glasses up into his hair, presses the heels of his palms into his eyes until neon colors begin to waver behind his eyelids. ]
I'll answer any questions you have. I'm sorry...