It took forming a bond that wasn't built on Maruki's own distorted heart for a deep friendship to bloom. Even a guiding light doesn't begin to touch upon what they've found here. His own Akira means so much more to him now, and has never felt farther away.
Maybe this is something they can only have here. This is a place where hope shines through the bars of the cage, after all. But god, he'll try to pay it forward when he returns to where he belongs.
He idly rolls his iced Americano between his hands, condensation from the glass coating his palms as they chatter on. ]
I was hoping to get your input on that, if you don't mind. Admittedly, I'm still not sure if I can continue on with cognitive psience back home, but if I can, I'd like to look int–
[ The words don't trail off so much as die instantly on his tongue. His eyes roved away from Akira as he spoke, up to the ceiling of the little cafe in Stellari that they've come to favor, then over to glance out the window–
And that's where they stay. Widening behind the thick lenses of his glasses, pupils contracting, heart hammering up into his dry throat.
It's unmistakable. He would know her anywhere. Tall and graceful, close-cropped red hair shining in the early spring sun–
Eyes bright with recognition when they land on his.
Maruki says nothing. Only stares with an expression that begins to creep into horror as the woman in the bustling crowd of the city starts to approach the window. ]
There's the cafe. Dazai had set up a chessboard for them there with such regularity now that it was barely moved. It was their table, and if it was disrupted then he always had some replacement, but it was theirs. That's how their lessons went. Opening strategies. The middle. The endgame. Dazai was as perfect as a hypothetical opponent as a real one. The latter was far more occasional, barely even on request, just every now and again, just that one little reminder of what the upper limit is.
His chess matches are perfect. There's no winning against him.
But Dazai, as his senpai, states only that chess is won and loss based on mistakes. If played perfectly on both sides, it will always end in a draw.
He wants a draw.
But none of that is here today. He's sitting on the stump of a tree, checking his fingernails with a bored expression. Their lessons aren't forgotten. They're there in his mind, and Dazai frowns as he thinks on this and that, and how he wants to offer further instruction. Akira is as sharp as he thought him to be.
All of that, and none of it, because he's forgetting so much of importance. He knows that. He thinks it as he checks the back of his fingernails, as he stretches out his arm and inspects them with his fingers splayed out. There's something more to this. There's someone else that he should be meeting here.
But there's not. There is. There's not. It doesn't matter if there is or not, because he knows that he doesn't want what comes of this to leak out. It's something that should be kept between them, carried by the faint breeze and whispered amongst the shivering leaves and branches of the trees, lost long before it can reach human ears.
That's what it is. But he is prepared all the same. There's a box on his lap, which his hands are folded over. A box which contains all the pieces for chess. And pressed above that, held tight, a deck of cards, and his expression is so dead and empty that one might think he were a corpse sitting upon this place. Dazai isn't always emotional, but this is different even so - his slight smile is fixed in place, but his eyes are dark, a pair of black holes that sucks in and consumes even the slightest hint of life.
They'll move somewhere else. This is just a meeting spot. But it's their meeting spot. It's where he's chosen today, on some whim, and he stares ahead without any interest at all.
Dead. Vacant. Empty. All consuming. Watching. His fingers drum against the stack of cards, and there's a little hum, and that gaze seems darker and deader still.
Such as it goes. ]
Rumi.
[ Barely even a whisper, at first, then louder for Akira to hear. ]
That's Rumi. My... [ No, not his. The way she's looking at him, she can't be his.
That recognition in her eyes isn't the bright light it ought to be. It's fire – anger so intense it approaches loathing.
Maruki's throat is too dry to swallow. He pushes his chair back as he stands, but he still can't look away from her. ]
Something's not right.
This reality has made him stronger in many ways, and weak in several more. He no longer has to deal with things alone, so he no longer wants to. It's selfish, disgustingly so, but he doesn't want to face whatever this is on his own. He wants Akira at his side, no matter how terrible it is.
He tears his eyes away from Rumi, finally. Doesn't pull his wrist away from Akira's grasp.
As they head for the exit, he says it quietly, definitively: ]
It's not her. There's nothing that she would wish for.
[ Rumi wants for nothing. He made sure of that. A regret he would repeat again and again, in every lifetime, and one that would bar her from ever being able to meet the conditions of a reality like this. ]
It seems to him that somebody had cracked open his ribcage and removed the organs protected by it; removed them, replaced them, sewn him back up before he ever knew it happened. They gave him electric shock, fried his memories and all that went with them, changing him.
This has happened before. It's of no consequence, and this too will pass, but all of that does little for him now. Dazai feels as he feels, and he feels nothing at all. There's a hole that's left behind, a void that was filled by an undefinable something - something old, and patient, mean, and above all else insatiable. Inhuman.
But he doesn't notice any of that, having always lived in this way.
He shakes his head. ]
No, nothing... Well, plenty has, but it's nothing I need to tell you of.
[ Doppelgangers and changelings and all that. And he's removed himself from all that because - ]
It's quieter about here.
For a moment, Maruki's mask slips. He glances sidelong at Akira, horror scrawled openly across his features at the mere idea. For all he knows about the nature of reality, all he's experienced of so many versions of himself, and all the time he's put into thinking about the many varied realities out there, he has never once considered that there could be one where Rumi isn't who he knows her to be. If they exist in the same reality, then she is his most phenomenal love and his greatest regret; there are no other options.
Luckily, before he can respond to that terrible hypothetical, he hears enough to be sure of his answer.
It's her voice– but it's not, there's a twist to the ends of her words that was never there before. The light that used to spark brightly enough to burn when she got too heated is absent – now, when ugly, biting words spill forth, they sound black as tar. Rumi could get angry, could defiantly speak her mind, but she never sounded hateful.
Maybe Maruki deserves that. But it's not her.
He doesn't look as she approaches, that torrent of blame growing louder and louder. Ruined our life and only thinking of yourself and easy way out and impossible, stupid dream collide together between his ears as he keeps his eyes locked on Akira's. His words remain just as decisive and sharp. ]
Something similar happened to Adachi-kun the other day. I should have known better than to– [ Louder, closer still. Maruki grits his teeth, squeezes his eyes shut for a second. ] It doesn't matter. She's a cognition. You're familiar, right?
[ There's almost some desperation in that question, and when Maruki opens his eyes again, he finally turns to face her.
It hurts, more than anything, to see recognition in Rumi's eyes once more, and to see it turn to spite.
What happened at the machiya can't happen here. That drawn out argument, that slow turn to violence that escalated rapidly. He can't bear to try to drive her away with his words or to fight her for more than a minute. A quick cut might be a deep one, but at least it's not torture.
It doesn't matter that they're right out in the streets of Stellari. Maruki's long stopped caring what anyone thinks of him, native inhabitants and dreamers alike. Protecting himself and the people he cares for is what's important, and the only thing that would be worse than fighting Rumi himself would be seeing her attack Akira instead.
The aurora ripples through the sky, makes his stomach turn at its familiarity as Azathoth appears. ]
I'm sorry you got dragged into this.
Right now my space is a bit too small to host anyone, I think.
[ Akira in such an enclosed space with her might cause her self-implode... ]
I envy him
So worthless.
You're right.
He's right. Always right. Akira's right.
What does he know? How can he know? How could he think he knows and-
noonenoenenoonenoone because he's special Akechi is special he's a mirror to a boy with an unbound heart and no one knows and no one will ever know and-
In every life we live
Akechi will be there. Akechi will kill him. Akechi will kill him.
The ground bleeds when his body slams into it. Akira's strong. This one is strong. His Akira will always be strong and in any reality where they interact they will always be strong. They've fought one on one - Akechi knows better than to underestimate him. Didn't. May have. No longer does now that a wild, vibrant man consumes his vision.
He's up in a second - moves a step back after two. Loki appears with a laevateinn, but not even the smack of that violent blade can muffle the laughter from Akechi's lips.
Of course it's Akira. Of course it's Akira. Of course Akira would say that. Of course. Of course. Of course.
And he'll rip himself apart to prove that undying, otherworldly bond.
And he'll move forward to attack behind Loki's blade with his own risen high as if he's one using laevateinn in its stead.
In that moment, I am thou, thou art I doesn't feel like it belongs to Loki.
It's with Akira. It's between them. Those wild dark eyes are a mirror he wants to shatter. An image he wants to rip. They're the same, so he hates him. They're the same, so he'll understand why Akechi will never stop. He'll destroy that air of calm. He'll free Akira from that mask. He wants to see-
Something that isn't complete
[Call of chaos consumes. Devours. And he wants to consume and devour and he sees Akira before him and thinks nothing about making him easy prey.]
But I'm happy to oblige - I'll rip your body apart until there are no masks left! Allow me to do the dirty work and your corpse will be payment for it!
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