[For a moment, a long moment, Akira is quiet. He's thinking about the reason why. He's mulling over how he wants to answer. He's deciding if this is really what he wants to do, because - once again - it definitely isn't what he should do.
And most importantly... he's preparing to say goodbye to what once was.]
A reason that doesn't matter anymore. [Akira dries his hands off, unconcerned with the stains left behind, and tries not to let whatever melancholy emotion he's feeling poison his voice.] Tomorrow I'm going to search for vacancies near where you're staying.
[Beyond how foolish it would be to move in with Maruki... Akira doesn't ask because he doesn't think he can. He couldn't live together in this city with anyone anymore, for the same reason it's probably a good thing that he's now deciding to leave.
If he did, he would always be terrified they wouldn't come home.
It'll be good for him, he thinks. It's better not to spend every morning standing in an empty room feeling hollowed out, no personal effects left to even hold onto because its former owner didn't care to leave any. It'll be good for him to get away from the stores that hold familiar cologne that he has to take out of his shopping basket every time before he checks out. It will be easier to not have to avoid the closest grocer with food inside it since he can't stomach the memories it holds. And he knows it's not good for him to stay up late almost every night, waiting for the person that will never come home.
It's odd, sometimes, how the glove in his pocket has become one of the least painful parts of his day. But grief doesn't have a logical pattern to follow. Maybe it would still be like this, even if he hadn't ended up here and had the chance to return home.
From now on, maybe he will always be doomed to live as the ghost of someone's absence. But first, he has to get through this with Maruki and get them home in one piece.]
I think we both know this, but just to be clear... this isn't my way of keeping an eye on you regarding our promise. It may not be safe for me to stay here anymore, but I don't want you caught over there alone if he follows you, either. Close together, we have the best chance of protecting each other.
[Envy is probably a lot safer than the worst parts of Wrath, anyway, so even that will probably be advantageous change.]
not if i drag u down first
And most importantly... he's preparing to say goodbye to what once was.]
A reason that doesn't matter anymore. [Akira dries his hands off, unconcerned with the stains left behind, and tries not to let whatever melancholy emotion he's feeling poison his voice.] Tomorrow I'm going to search for vacancies near where you're staying.
[Beyond how foolish it would be to move in with Maruki... Akira doesn't ask because he doesn't think he can. He couldn't live together in this city with anyone anymore, for the same reason it's probably a good thing that he's now deciding to leave.
If he did, he would always be terrified they wouldn't come home.
It'll be good for him, he thinks. It's better not to spend every morning standing in an empty room feeling hollowed out, no personal effects left to even hold onto because its former owner didn't care to leave any. It'll be good for him to get away from the stores that hold familiar cologne that he has to take out of his shopping basket every time before he checks out. It will be easier to not have to avoid the closest grocer with food inside it since he can't stomach the memories it holds. And he knows it's not good for him to stay up late almost every night, waiting for the person that will never come home.
It's odd, sometimes, how the glove in his pocket has become one of the least painful parts of his day. But grief doesn't have a logical pattern to follow. Maybe it would still be like this, even if he hadn't ended up here and had the chance to return home.
From now on, maybe he will always be doomed to live as the ghost of someone's absence. But first, he has to get through this with Maruki and get them home in one piece.]
I think we both know this, but just to be clear... this isn't my way of keeping an eye on you regarding our promise. It may not be safe for me to stay here anymore, but I don't want you caught over there alone if he follows you, either. Close together, we have the best chance of protecting each other.
[Envy is probably a lot safer than the worst parts of Wrath, anyway, so even that will probably be advantageous change.]